Shelf life.

There are days and then there are days and it seems lately as if the days all blend together and I am somewhat tired all the time of late.

I don’t know how to explain it and it’s just not clear to me if it is age or something wrong with me. I’m just tired a lot of the time, there’s really no other way to put it. I find myself exhausted after the frenzy of the first two months of the year and I can’t say that I’ve fully recovered from it.

In the meantime…

I started this quite recently. The truth of it is I’ve just felt really, really tired lately. All the stress of work through January and February finally caught up to me I guess and then add to that all the little explosions that have been going on it just took a bunch out of me.

I looked and it appears I have a bit more paid leave this year than I have had in years past which makes up for them not giving me any kind of raise when they reupped me. I’m still on the same rate even after three years with the company but I guess I should just be happy to have a job at this point in life.

The time though is way, way more of a payoff than any more money would have been. Slowly I have been lining up time off for myself. The thing about time off over the last few years has been that work has been such a shit show that when I finally do get some kind of time off, all I can do is laze about and catch up on sleep because I’m so entirely spent.

This time around I’m trying to give myself small breaks before we get too deep into the year so coming up I’ve taken days sandwiched around two weekends spread out meaning I have about a month of four day work weeks in the near future. You’d think working remotely would mean life is easy but the truth is there are ways I work way, way more time and way harder than I ever did when I was chained to a desk in an office.

When you work remotely, you are ‘always on’ so to speak. That’s backfired on me the last week or so because what has happened has been I’ve gotten most everything taken care of and then found myself wiped out. This might have to do with me starting the days at 5am. So, I got to the middle of the day twice and just napped. 

I wouldn’t have dropped off if I didn’t need it but it meant when I was ‘dinged’ by someone I didn’t respond immediately.

That’s not good.

At the same time though the laptop they’ve give me to use appears to have some weirdness in that the sound doesn’t always work on it, so I have a bit of a built in excuse in a way because there have been times where I have had to restart the thing when I get into a meeting and I can’t hear what the other person is saying.

Now, what I was beginning to say though is whether or not I’ve reached my shelf life? I’m tired a lot. There are aches and pains but I can’t see running to the doctor over this because the simple truth is that I’m in my mid sixties now. You don’t FEEL different in your head but certainly there are differences.

Yesterday, I lazed the day away. Never a good thing but maybe I’m being too hard on myself because I have been getting other things done besides work so at least there is some momentum.